Warning: This post was written while the author was in an extremely angst-ridden and pissy mood. Read on at your own risk.
Ok... so you know that feeling when you can't see your way out of a situation, and then every stressor in your life snowballs into an incredibly dense and heavy mass which proceeds to come crashing down squarely on your head? Yeah... I'm totally there. I am officially freaking out.
I hate my job- they pay me barely enough to keep food in my tummy, a roof over my head, and the bills up to date. I can't even afford to get a goddamned pet fish. And I really like fish. This in combination with the fact that I KNOW that what I do for this place is probably worth double my paycheck is incredibly frustrating. And I won't even start on my boss. I feel like I'm at my wits end.
So I'm looking for a new job. But there is nothing. NOTHING. Ok... that's not quite true, but the ratio of jobs I am qualified for and could do without the intervention of little purple pills to the ones that would rapidly drive me to drink is depressingly low. I've applied for a every single one I can find that fits, and am waiting to hear, but as of today I am not hopeful (this is an inevitable stage of the job hunt, right??) It seems that my wildly expensive Master's degree is provided nothing except the ability to navigate through Plato's dialogues, analyze the latest political news, and the general knowledge that the world has already gone to hell in a handbasket and that we're all merrily burning without realizing it. Great. Fabulous. If only that could pay off the loans for me.
It's the loans afterall... the stupid goddamned loans are killing me. I'm trapped. Completely trapped by these things. I can't go anywhere or do anything more than a weekly visit to a pub and a movie until the fucking things are paid off, and at this rate that will be sometime in my mid-forties. Oh god. That's the most depressing thought I've had in quite sometime.
I hate being poor. Hate it. And the thing that pisses me off the most?? I did this to myself. It was a fucking choice. And I made it. Eyes open. (well- at least half open... the other half was clouded by visions of grandeur: rewarding employment, contenment, etc... HA!).
Ok... enough of the self-pity. I'm off to continue the seemingly interminable search for what happened to my life. I hope you are all enjoying a better day than I.
And Therese, I totally heart you for writing the list for me :D