Tuesday, May 30, 2006

TRAPPED!

Warning: This post was written while the author was in an extremely angst-ridden and pissy mood. Read on at your own risk.

Ok... so you know that feeling when you can't see your way out of a situation, and then every stressor in your life snowballs into an incredibly dense and heavy mass which proceeds to come crashing down squarely on your head? Yeah... I'm totally there. I am officially freaking out.

I hate my job- they pay me barely enough to keep food in my tummy, a roof over my head, and the bills up to date. I can't even afford to get a goddamned pet fish. And I really like fish. This in combination with the fact that I KNOW that what I do for this place is probably worth double my paycheck is incredibly frustrating. And I won't even start on my boss. I feel like I'm at my wits end.

So I'm looking for a new job. But there is nothing. NOTHING. Ok... that's not quite true, but the ratio of jobs I am qualified for and could do without the intervention of little purple pills to the ones that would rapidly drive me to drink is depressingly low. I've applied for a every single one I can find that fits, and am waiting to hear, but as of today I am not hopeful (this is an inevitable stage of the job hunt, right??) It seems that my wildly expensive Master's degree is provided nothing except the ability to navigate through Plato's dialogues, analyze the latest political news, and the general knowledge that the world has already gone to hell in a handbasket and that we're all merrily burning without realizing it. Great. Fabulous. If only that could pay off the loans for me.

It's the loans afterall... the stupid goddamned loans are killing me. I'm trapped. Completely trapped by these things. I can't go anywhere or do anything more than a weekly visit to a pub and a movie until the fucking things are paid off, and at this rate that will be sometime in my mid-forties. Oh god. That's the most depressing thought I've had in quite sometime.

I hate being poor. Hate it. And the thing that pisses me off the most?? I did this to myself. It was a fucking choice. And I made it. Eyes open. (well- at least half open... the other half was clouded by visions of grandeur: rewarding employment, contenment, etc... HA!).

Ok... enough of the self-pity. I'm off to continue the seemingly interminable search for what happened to my life. I hope you are all enjoying a better day than I.

And Therese, I totally heart you for writing the list for me :D

9 Comments:

At 8:12 AM, Anonymous Meagan said...

Jenny just think about when you get out of that dump and everyone realizes what you actually do! It's most entertaining if you imagine yourself running in there after you get your new fabulous job and yell "I Quit" to your crappy boss, so she's really left hanging!
Hang in there Jenny, you're just earning your stripes and soon you'll have to choose between jobs! Don't Doubt yourself!!
*HUG*
Love
Meagan

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger sarah said...

I would tell you not to worry, but I know how I feel in these situations: you will worry anyways. I have the utmost faith in you (and your ability to kick some ass). Next thing you know, you will be the Prime-ministerial advisor (and have lots of influence on Canadian and international politics) or something equally rewarding and fancy.

__^__
|\/ o\
|/\__<__/

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger sarah said...

Hahahahaha.....that WAS a fish, but when I published it, he got a bit smushed....

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger Thérèse said...

Anytime, dear friend. Anytime.

Enjoy your day off!

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger bitch said...

I hear ya! You must remember, it was not your choice! Our crappy system that allows people to think that they "choose" to go into debt in order to get an education is at fault.

We need an education to get a good job, so that we can make money to live, but we need money to get the education... really, it's an ingenious trap!

Hang in there! You're not alone!

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger jenn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger jenn said...

Thanks guys :) I'll keep all of your wonderful advice in mind. And am currently waiting for someone to call me with an interview offer for the job of my dreams... or at least not of my nightmares ;) In the meantime I am looking into a golddigga training course, and will keep you apprised of my progress there ;)

Meagan- *HUG*!! That image is oh, so tantalizing...

Sarah- It's a really cute fish- I'll treasure it always... I will name him Smooshy!

Therese- mission accomplished ;)

Bitch- it's time we did something about that, don't you think? :D

 
At 4:57 PM, Anonymous Laura said...

Jenn, this post filled me with dread - I am you next year. How many more of us are out there? Something needs to be done about this!!!!

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger kris said...

Don't you feel badly about that griping - get it out! That's part of what the Internets are here for, after all. :)

I wish you good luck and the ability to see into a more pleasant future. I'm still trying. :)

 

Post a Comment

<< Home