I am, quite possibly, the world's BIGGEST klutz. In one (that's right, one) twenty-four hour period, I managed to maim both hands, one foot, kill at least one kitchen utensil, spill various forms of liquid all over other people's apartments, and nearly impale myself with one of those cute little drink umbrellas. All of this before the consumption of girlie pink-drink liquor began.
That's right. So let me take you through it all, if you have the stomach for it, that is ;)
Maiming #1: involves the time honoured female ritual of shaving the legs. I somehow managed to remove half of the skin on the knuckle of my pinky finger AND a sizeable chunck from the MIDDLE of my nail. It didn't bleed too badly. No medical attention was sought.
Maiming #2: this also includes the murder of the kitchen utensil also... Whilst attempting to concoct my famous hummous for a potluck, the potato masher I was using to beat the chickpeas to death self-destructed in my hand. Wooden splinters abound and tiny slits made in my OTHER pinky finger. I am now pinkyless :( Again, not too much blood, and no medical attention was sought.
Maiming #3: chunk of broken beer bottle lodged in big toe... while on a 10 block walk... bliss. Glass was successfully removed. Wound was disinfected . No medical attention was sought.
The various spillages occurred whilst preparing for the evening... loading up the fridge, etc. at which point I managed to drop TWO 2 litre bottles of club soda, and thereby caused TWO explosions later in the evening... but it's all good 'cause club soda removes stains, right?
Finally, whilst preparing pink drinks for one of the wonderful women present, I very nearly impaled myself with an orange drink umbrella. Fortunately, it DID NOT draw blood.
At this point in time, the other women present (thank-you Tiffany!) decided it was a bad idea for me to be around the kitchen and began a subtle intervention. Thus I survived to spend the next two days recovering, cooped up in my parent's house and my room.
And now here I sit, at Joe's incredible computer writing this to you all, in various stages of repair and far, far away from all sharp objects.