Sunday, January 15, 2006

Sock Goblins Have EATEN My Socks!!!

Does anybody else have a sock goblin in their laundry room?? You know- the tiny creatures that slink into the room and steal just ONE of a pair of your socks when you're not looking... I'm sure they exist. They must! How else can the absence of my left sock be explained?? I've searched everywhere, and it is nowhere. It has ceased to exist. But how is this possible? I had two socks- I must have- how else would the one sock have gotten dirty?? I'm not in the habit of wearing only one sock at a time, thus there must have been two in the clothes bin at one point... and then there was only one.

I'm telling you- it's the Sock Goblins! I believe that they use the socks to line their dens (which are extremely difficult to find but exist in various nooks and crannies throughout any home), and also, when prepared properly, as food...

I think I will name my sock goblin Morty. I don't know if it is male or female, but Morty seems to fit. It better be enjoying my sock, dammit. It was a good sock- no holes or anything. Gah!

Note to Morty the Sock Goblin- please restrict your sock-plundering activities to the HOLEY and THREADBARE socks... they still taste good (better in many cases, as they are nicely aged) and will still provide ample warmth.

I can part with THOSE socks... I really don't mind. I may even willingly sacrifice them...


At 10:45 AM, Blogger Thérèse said...

I used to be like you. Oh, I was. For some reason, I matched my socks. I wore the left one and the right one, at the same time. If I only found one, I would not wear it until I had found the other. And I bemoaned their fate when one was ruined / maimed / destroyed / missing.

Then, a few years ago, I met Gilly. She didn't match her socks, ever. She was crazy! She wore stripes with solids. One flower-print and one pigs-print. Pink ones with blue ones. The kicker? She did it... on purpose. She actually refused to wear matching socks. I know what you're thinking. Seems ludicrously dangerous, doesn't it. And yet... she seemed to be so happy. So... I took a big risk. I... tried it myself. Best decision I ever made. I mean it I'm hooked now.

So, your simplest solution? Don't match your socks, ever. Seriously. You'll never notice when one of them is missing. It's brilliant. Just plain brilliant.

At 11:09 AM, Blogger jenn said...

Hahahahaha- I comend your bravery in taking the leap to non-matching... you wanna know the worst part? ALL of my socks match. They're pretty much all the same- white sports socks. Yes, I'm truly that boring... in the sock department, anyway.
Thus, it matters not if they match... what really gets me is that I now have an UNEVEN number of socks... so when it's laundry day and I'm scraping the bottom of my sock drawer, I'm left with one lonely sock and one cold tootsie. Not good.

At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Morty may be closer than you think--I have many nice socks that I am sure are not REALLY mine- some are mis-matched…. Others are in wearable pairs- no hidden nooks and crannies in the den are involved, but I will let you glimpse into my sock drawer next visit!!

Morty ;)

At 1:38 PM, Blogger Neil Cole said...

I'm surprized you know it's the left sock!!

But alas, I too am boring... I have a bunch of black socks and just put them together in pairs... and then my mountain of white sports socks with the gray toe and heel which I also just pair together. The simplicity of being a boring person sometimes can be rewarding (but I heard a euphemism for "boring" was "anal retentive".

At 6:39 PM, Blogger jenn said...

ok Morty... it's on. I want my socks back!!!!! I NEED my socks back! Is this a ransom demand??

At 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jenn,
Jules here. I too have a friend that wears different socks on PURPOSE. It is so her personality. I love it on her, but I could so not do it. Probably all those years of PRIVATE SCHOOL UNIFORM conformation. GAG!

I had that issue with socks just the other day. I am missing socks, and I don't know where they run off to. MORTY excists everywhere except parental homes. I don't know ... it is extremely annoying.

I hope your sock gets returned in the near future.

Have a GREAT week.
Jules (in Ottawa).

At 6:11 PM, Blogger jenn said...

Hey Jules!! Yeah... I think you may be permanently scarred by the whole uniform thing... *sigh*... all you can do is TRY to forget!! I hope you have a great week too! How's the Gatineau?

At 4:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

SCARED... mmmm, good way to put it. I am still skiddish about wearing skirts all these years later. DAMN, eh?

Gatineau is okay. COLD as all get out up here, and they are calling for FREEZING rain later today and tomorrow. No fun. I am afraid to a repeat of Friday. "Flying" and then enjoying the view of the Stars above.
Yah, that's right, I went flying and landed right on my back. OUCH! Getting better, but with this threat of weather, who knows what is in my "future".

I will keep reading if you keep posting.

Saw *the* house in person of Christmas. DAMN, i needed shades!

At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It appears that sock goblins haven't really taken your was me! oops


At 9:52 AM, Blogger jenn said...

What?!?!?! YOU'RE MORTY??? Well in that case, I WANT MY SOCKS BACK! UNHARMED! Or I will find a method of reprisal that will be both hilarious (to me) and awful (to you)... something like... stealing ALL of your left socks... yeah... that'd be good.


Post a Comment

<< Home